Did you know? Globally, over 800,000 people die from suicide every year. If your loved one almost became one of these statistics, you may feel overwhelmed with emotions. Or, you might feel crippled in trying to decide where to go from here. How do you support someone you love after their suicide attempt? Is it a fine line or a slippery slope? Do you avoid the conversation to keep the peace or do you throw your entire being into helping them recover? No matter what the situation may look like, finding out someone you care about tried to end their own life can be a soul-crushing experience. Take heart, however, in knowing that you can play a life-changing role in the life of your loved one.
Let’s talk about how you can be there for them while still being there for yourself.
Before We Begin:
Before you go about trying to help your loved one recover from their suicide attempt it’s important to understand the way you may feel, as this can play a role in the way you treat them afterward. There is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to feel after a suicide attempt so keep in mind you might be surprised at what emotions may come up.
A few of the most common feelings include:
- Anger
- Bitterness
- Sadness
- Confusion
- Grief
- Fear
- Avoidance
You may try to downplay the situation in your mind as a way to cope with the realization of what could have happened. This can often be harmful to the person you love as they’re experiencing real, unfathomable pain. Maybe you were the person to find them, or, you had to hear about it through a call from your local hospital – whatever the case may be, you may feel as though you’ve experienced trauma from this situation. It’s important to take time to care for yourself as well. Fill your own cup before attempting to fill theirs.
Talking with them after their Suicide Attempt
While it’s incredibly important to encourage your loved one to seek conversation with a therapist or other trained professional, you can help support them with a conversation of your own. Let your loved ones know you love and support them no matter what. Oftentimes individuals who attempt or are successful at committing suicide feel like a burden to those around them. They may not seek help for this very reason so it’s important to keep that at the forefront of the conversation.
For example, start off by saying something along the lines of, “I’m so glad you’re still here. Please remember you can always talk to me if you need to”.
Ask open-ended questions such as, “I want to help you. In what ways can I support you?” This avoids the conversation falling flat with simple “yes” or “no” answers.
A Few More Suggestions when Talking with your Loved One Include:
- I am always just a phone call or text away
- Everyone needs help sometimes, you’re never a burden to me.
- I don’t know how you feel BUT I am here for you.
When talking with your loved one DO NOT ask them why they would attempt suicide, or try to make them feel guilty about it. Simply be available and let the other person talk. Practice active listening without feeling the need to interrupt. As someone with the intention of supporting your loved one, it’s important to create a safe space for them so they come to you in the future.
Be Patient with Them
Your loved one may stay at home after their attempt but they also may be checked into an inpatient facility. Just because they’re receiving care doesn’t mean they’re suddenly cured. Recovery is a slow process and looks different for everyone. Be patient with them in their journey.
One of the most influential ways you can provide support after a suicide attempt is to simply be with them. Don’t push them to “get out there” and engage in distracting activities. While it may be well-intentioned, sometimes the best thing you can do is stay close (especially after the first few weeks).
There is no expiration date for recovery. Even if it has been months since the attempt, the way you feel they should be healing may not align with the way they’re actually healing. Being patient in a world that is always chaotic and on the go is the best gift you can give.
Help Them Find a Support System
It’s unrealistic to think you can be absolutely everything your loved one needs after a suicide attempt. Even if you were to try, you’d experience caregiver burnout at some point. Your loved one may not have the energy, motivation, or desire to get up and find a support group – but you do.
Help them by exploring different resources available. Support groups with others who have attempted suicide are incredibly effective as they can connect with other people who understand them in a way you may not.
In addition, encourage them to seek mental health treatment whether that means inpatient or regular outpatient visits with a therapist. Either way, there are hundreds of trained professionals out there who are more than willing to help them overcome their attempt.
Unhelpful Reactions To a Suicide Attempt
Not everyone will admit they feel angry towards their loved one after a suicide attempt, but many do. This is normal and requires time and intention to work through. While you may want to spend every waking second with them to ensure this doesn’t happen again it is exhausting watching over someone 24/7.
In order to be the best version of yourself for your loved one, you have to take care of your own needs first. As much as you may wish it could be true, at the end of the day you’re not able to control another person’s behavior or emotions. You can surely do everything in your power to help, but be cautious of losing yourself in the process.
A few more ways to help a loved one after a suicide attempt that may not be as emotionally tiring include:
- Helping out with their household chores
- Giving them rides to appointments
- Cooking for them
- Exercising with them
- Getting counseling for yourself
Another way you can support your loved one is through engaging in research. The more you learn about mental health the easier it will be to understand why they may act certain ways. Not only this, but the more knowledge you gain about mental health the easier it will be to identify any warning signs in the future.
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