For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide

COPE with Suicidal Thoughts in Five Steps

When the passing of writer Jas Fly was announced, I noticed there was no mention of how she passed away. My first immediate thought was suicide completion. As a clinician, I am aware the cause of death can be purposely omitted when it is stigmatized. For example, during the AIDS epidemic in the 80s and 90s, many funeral homes would refuse to bury people who passed from AIDS-related complications; thus, families began to report “cancer” was the cause of death. In the same token, many families do not identify suicide as the cause of death in death announcements, especially minority communities. However, we are also within a global pandemic, so I entertained the possibility of Covid.

A few days later, in an updated announcement, it was disclosed the medical coroner identified the cause of death was by hanging. I was [partially] surprised. I wasn’t aware of Jas Waters prior to her death. However, I am a huge fan of This is Us and immediately connected with her when I learned she was a valued writer for the show. For a moment, I was surprised she completed suicide. It appeared that she had a thriving career, but I soon reminded myself.

“Everything is not what it seems”

A flourishing career and debilitating mental illness can co-exist.

In my professional and personal experience, I believe most people are aware of the two reminders but don’t actively apply them.

I wondered what could have been done differently as I read a few opinion pieces that questioned,

“Did we fail Jas?”

The question, though normal, is imbalanced in its indirect suggestion that someone is at fault or to blame. Furthermore, no one will EVER have all the information to make a balanced assessment.

Upon review of Jas’ twitter, there was some noticeable evidence of emotional and mental suffering. She discussed the development of negative thoughts and feelings from the stress of personal affairs and isolation from the covid pandemic social distancing and self-quarantine. However, it appeared she utilized some coping skills such as cooking and writing and expressed their effectiveness in her mental health maintenance.

So, what happened?

Unfortunately, the world will never know. Though my introduction to Jas Waters was in her untimely death, her life matters and should be honored. One noteworthy theme of This is US, is its commitment to highlighting the varied experiences of mental wellness. I like to think Jas was the force behind the screen and I thank her for her contribution. In honor of Jas’ memory, I would like to bring suicide from behind the screen of stigma.

Facts to remember about suicide

1. Suicidal thoughts DO NOT appear out of thin air
   • There are ALWAYS signs that suicidal thoughts are on the horizon
     • Think of suicidal thoughts like rain. Contrary to the common phrase, “it rained out of nowhere,” it actually DOES NOT
     • We have signs of rain such as cloudy/dark skies, thunder, lightning, changes in temperature, increase in wind, you can even smell of rain
     • For some people, signs may be increased moodiness or irritability, changes in energy level, voluntary self-isolation, decrease in sleep quality, increased feelings of hopelessness or helplessness, decreased optimism in the future, decrease in joy from pleasurable activities, increased desperation, extreme emotional pain (find more signs below)

2. People who attempt or complete suicide DO NOT want to die
   • A large misconception of suicide is the desire of death. Most people who attempted suicide often report, “I just wanted the pain to stop.” Suicide (attempt or completion) is the final stage of extreme emotional distress associated with serious mental illness. People perceive their only option to obtain peace and comfort is to end their lives. Sadly, suicide is more often a desperate attempt for pain relief rather than to end one’s life.
3. Suicidal thoughts can come from ANY situation
   1. Feelings of extreme emotional pain, hopelessness or helplessness can come many different arenas including unexpected loss of a loved one, losing one’s job, or racial trauma (see blog post on Coping with Racial Trauma below)

COPE with Suicidal Thoughts in Five Steps

Check In: Ask yourself, “How am I feeling? What is going on in my life?”

Open Up: Be honest with yourself. What is going through your mind? Do you feel like giving up?  Do you doubt life will improve?

Persecute the Thought: When thoughts of suicide appear: Challenge the thought: What facts support the suicidal thoughts? (write them down) What facts discredit the suicidal/self-harm thought? (write them down) Look at the support list and discredit list you created. Which side makes MORE sense and is supported with FACTS? Reframe the thought: Develop a balanced perspective in response to the suicidal  thought

Enjoy: Do something you enjoy like activities that increase your heart rate (exercise/yoga/stretching/dancing), watch a funny movie, call a funny friend

Contact a mental health professional

Though you have effectively coped with suicidal thoughts for the moment, it is very beneficial to work with a licensed mental health professional for long term mental health maintenace. Please find a few directories listed below

What to do if I notice these signs of suicide in someone else?

1. Ask Them
   • It’s impossible to “plant” the idea of suicide is someone’s mind. If a person is suicidal, the thoughts are already there

2. Support
   • Provide a safe, non-judgmental space for expression (DON’T LECTURE)
   • Thank the person for their honesty, vulnerability, and trust
   • Acknowledge the individual’s feelings (feelings are ALWAYS valid)
   • Ask if you can help (e.g. provide a coping skill, if accepted, walk with the person through COPE)
   • Ask if you can call a mental health professional together to arrange an appointment (see resources provided in post)

If you or someone you know has thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please contact a mental health professional or call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or visit suicide website